Why Disney's "John Carter" failed.

Great movie. Best movie of the year thus far in my opinion yet it had it coming - the financial turmoil.

For Disney to so lavishly spend on a book-film adaption that many haven't heard of was risky because the director (Stanton) was new to live-action films and even warned the execs that he is new to this format. As for Stanton's direction, there was no problem at all - he is a fine director.

Stanton had two massive problems however: pricey reshoots and lack of involvement in the trailers (He only worked on the TEASER trailer and not on the other ones as many people think. Forbes and Honor Hunter at Blue Sky acknowledged this. If you want to see something Stanton approved, look at the sizzle reel).

The Trailers that followed the TEASER trailer were pathetic. They depicted the movie as a cheap hybrid of Star Wars episode 1 and Avatar - something many would not want to see. Where was the love story? This movie was practically a love story at its core with action serving as a side platter. Taylor Kitsch is as attractive as Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson (hes shirtless for 3/4 of the movie!), so the female fans of twilight (or women in general) could have come in masses if they knew that there was a gripping love story behind all the cgi facades.

Where was the "cause" that Carter kept mentioning? Give the audience something about Carter - who he is and what he believes in and not the cliche battle cries to over-dramatize something that isn't dramatic.

Where was a simple synopsis of what the heck the movie was about? A shirtless young man wearing lion cloth and running from white "apes" that look like a genetically mutated King Kong doesn't help. It was the same for the posters: A half naked man in awkward positions looking macho and uninteresting. Not having the read the books or heard of Barsoom, I walked blindly into the theatre, with high expectations that were ultimately achieved.

Who is John Carter? Is this movie a western? Is it a comedy? You couldn't tell by simply looking at the trailers. Then Disney made the stupid mistake of releasing the first 10 minutes of the film to further confuse people. No Mars, no green aliens, just some bearded man escaping from the American military. Is this a Lone Ranger spin off? What a mess.

Where were the toys, lunch boxes, stationary kits, water bottles, paper plates, school bags and clothes? There was no merchandising. How could anyone possibly have been aware of this film? Look at the Avengers, its a giant in terms of merchandising. Yesterday when I went to the local theatre to watch The Hunger Games, I got myself a nifty "Avengers Assemble" refillable plastic water bottle from the food kiosk. I went to Toys R Us a while back and saw shelves of Avengers items from school bags to Pez dispensers. Even the buses here have posters of the movie on their sides.

As great a movie as this was (in my opinion), this crisis was inevitable. This project was dead from the moment production began. I hope it does better in home video sales since it is worthy of sequels and it would be a shame if this doesn't become a franchise.

Battleship: The Movie... really?

A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.

What the fuck will Hollywood think of next?

In Dubai stands the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. Out of the thousands of residents and visitors, one man who lives in one of the apartments meets the women of his dreams, while his friend aches for his father's approval, and another dreams to reconcile with his divorced wife and kids.But when the building starts collapsing, slowly, surely, and methodically, it's a race against time to escape. What will these men do before the end? Will they make it to the bottom floor and escape before the entire building crashes down on top of them? - JENGA! "It's only a matter of time"

*Godsmack music plays* This summer, THERE - building crumbles- IS -mid air grab- NO -bridge collapses- DEADLIER -helicopter gun battle- GAME -car explodes and flips- THAN -Jason Statham kicks guy off scaffolding- ... Chutes and Ladders "Get Rung!" 2013

Jude Law stars as Professor Archibald Tic along with Michael Cera as his best student, Jack Tac. They team up to fight the elusive Triple O gang, but they don't have enough manpower to take them down! Along the way, they meet up with fiery Emma Stone as Camille Toe, and she doesn't know who she loves the most! Will this love triangle line up to solve the crime or will they scatter into their own separate ways and lose ... forever? - Tic Tac Toe "Three Strikes You Win!"

My Thoughts on Valentine's Day.

To me (and a lot of other guys), Valentine's Day is stupid and only a contrived excuse to spend money. All the hearts and flowers and cards and blah blah blah just represent dollar signs. Really, how can something like romance be mass produced on a designated day? Doesn't Valentine's Day at heart (pun intended) defy the very definition of "romance?" The hype notwithstanding, there's also the element of pressure. Most guys obsess about creating the perfect Valentine's Day; I obsess about creating new and cheaper ways to get fucked up (Spray Tinactin on a Marlboro Red? I'll do it!).

For example, my buddy Adam, a couple years ago when he first started dating his girlfriend Jess, was looking for the perfect way to spend their first Valentine's Day together. After much contemplation and deliberation, he surprised her at her house and took her on a helicopter tour of Chicago.

When he was wrapping up his due diligence, he called me to see what I thought about the helicopter idea. My immediate reaction: "You know, you're kinda raising the bar a little high aren't you? I mean, a few months from now when the love is gone between you two and routine has set in, you're going to get in arguements and she's gonna say, "What happened to us?" Remember when you took me on the helicopter ride around Chicago for our first Valentine's Day? Now all you do is drink beer and watch sports! Where did our love go?'" To his credit, Adam stuck to his guns, and to this day he and Jess are still together. The moral: I know nothing about woman.

It doesn't matter if it's March now and Valentine's Day is over... it's still a pointless holiday.

Thanks for reading.